Back to You by Priscilla Glenn

June 2001 – Michael’s POV

It didn’t take Del long to realize there was no one outside worthy of any interest. He walked up the back steps and through the slider into the house. Jay would be there soon enough, and actually, he didn’t mind having some time to himself. Now he could just get a drink and find some corner where he could relax and clear his head for a bit. His mother was all sorts of fucked up when he left earlier, and he knew he’d get more peace in the middle of this crowded party than he would have in his own bedroom tonight.

Just before he reached the kitchen, he noticed someone approaching him, and he glanced to his left to see Jenn practically running toward him.

“Del! I didn’t know you were coming tonight. How are you?” she asked, her voice saccharine sweet.

Del rolled his eyes. He knew Jenn well enough to know she didn’t care whether or not he came to the party, and she definitely didn’t give a rat’s ass how he was. She was either seriously drunk or she was up to something. Either way, he wasn’t in the mood.

“Cut to the chase, Jenn. Playing your little head games isn’t on my agenda tonight.”

Jenn’s friendly façade momentarily faltered as she made a disgusted face, righting her expression a beat too late. There was a newfound determination in her eyes when she smiled said, “I just wanted to know if you’ve seen Lauren. I can’t find her.”

 “I just got here. How would I know where she is?”

“Well…it’s just that she disappeared with Mark Valero a little while ago, and I don’t know where they went.”

Del felt his expression drop as his stomach twisted a little. He straightened up and looked at Jenn, watching as the manufactured smile she’d been wearing since she approached him slowly turned genuine.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked, trying to sound dismissive. He didn’t like the face she had on right now, and if she was trying to mess with him, there was no way he was taking the bait.

“I don’t know,” she said, her expression matching the overdone innocence in her voice. “They were out here talking with us, and then they went in the den like a half hour ago. I don’t know if they’re still in there or not. So you haven’t seen her?”

Del stared at her. He could tell by the look on her face that she was waiting for him to react, and so on principle alone, he refused to.

“I haven’t seen her,” he said casually, looking away from her so she couldn’t see that it was forced. “Look, I’m gonna go get a drink. If you want to take me for a spin later, you know where to find me. Maybe I’ll be drunk enough to let you do it.”

“Fuck off,” she called after him as he walked away, any pretense of amiability now gone. He should have been feeling amused over pissing her off, but instead he found himself trying to keep calm as he approached the keg.

It irritated him that he didn’t know if she was telling the truth or not. If he had to bet on it, he’d say she was lying. Who the hell was Mark Valero anyway? Lauren never mentioned him in any of their conversations. Did he really believe she’d do something like that with someone she just met? The chances of her disappearing with some random guy so they could get each other off were pretty much non-existent. She wasn’t that type of girl.

Unless…

Did she have too much to drink?

Did he put something in her drink?

Del felt the slight throb begin in the sides of his jaw, and he realized he’d been gritting his teeth since he walked away from Jenn.

Fuck.

He’d feel better once he found her. Once he knew that Jenn was just messing with him. And then, so help him God, he would make sure Jenn paid for putting this idea in his head.

He walked out of the kitchen with a beer in hand, taking half of it down as he glanced toward the hallway off the living room. There were several doors, all of them closed. An image of Lauren behind one of them, drugged and incoherent underneath some guy flashed in his mind, and he had the sudden urge to rip every one of those doors off the hinges.

He took a quick step toward the hallway, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Jenn watching him, a little smirk on her lips.

Del immediately stopped in his tracks. She was lying. He was sure of it. The expression on her face was all the proof he needed.

Still, he was going to take one more lap around the house, not just because he was sure he would find Lauren that way, but because he felt like he needed to move.

He needed to do something.

Del finished his beer quickly as he circulated the interior of the house, his eyes scanning the crowd as he passed. He had no idea what expression he was wearing, but it must have been something really special; people were almost tripping over themselves to get out of his way.

Good. He didn’t feel like dealing with anyone tonight. He was going to find Lauren just to give himself peace of mind, and then he was getting the hell out of there.

But after circling the party twice, he still hadn’t found her. And he had just come from outside right before Jenn approached him. She definitely hadn’t been out there.

A familiar, quiet energy was building within his muscles, making his body feel like it was humming. Del knew he was on the cusp right now; he knew this feeling all too well, and once he got to a certain point, there would be no going back. But there was no way he was leaving until he found her now. Del made his way back to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of something off the counter and not even caring what it was as he took a swig of it and walked back through the living room.

And then he sat on the coffee table with his knee bouncing furiously and his eyes trained on the hallway of closed doors in front of him.

He had just brought the bottle to his lips when he saw one of the doors open, and he froze.

A guy he didn’t recognize came out first, a tiny smile on his lips, and Del watched as he turned to look back over his shoulder as someone emerged from the room right behind him.

Son of a bitch.

Del put the bottle down with a thud as he stood. A rush of heat began at the crown of his head and flooded through his body as he moved toward them.

The guy he assumed was Mark turned and walked away from her, and he could see her clearly then, standing in the doorway of the den looking confused and a little lost.

She was squinting slightly against the light in the hall, and her long red hair looked frayed and disheveled as she raked her fingers through it.

He reached her in three long strides, grabbing the top of her arm and spinning her to face him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, fighting to remain calm.

She was looking up at him with wide eyes, and then she exhaled heavily as her body relaxed. “Jesus. You scared the hell out of me.”

“Are you okay?” he demanded again. He knew he should let go of her arm, but he felt like it was the only thing keeping him grounded at that moment.

“I’m fine.”

Del studied her face. She seemed coherent. She didn’t look upset. No signs of crying. But it would be typical of her to put on a tough face to avoid making a scene, to prevent drawing any further attention to herself. He needed to know what happened in there. Right now.

“Did he do something to you?” he asked, hating that he had to make her say the words, but knowing she wouldn’t lie to him.

Lauren looked up at him. “Yes.”

Del felt his teeth come together as he released her arm and turned to scan the party. The familiar tingle ran down his spine as adrenalin coursed through him.

Mark Valero was a fucking dead man.

“But I wanted him to. I liked it.”

Del whipped his head back toward her. Her voice was soft, but her chin was lifted, almost as if she was taking a stand.

She wanted him to? So he hadn’t taken advantage of her? His head spun unpleasantly. This wasn’t like her at all. None of this made sense. Confusion and anger were not a good combination for him; he didn’t know how much longer he could keep it together.  She liked it? What exactly did she like? How far did she let him go?

“Lauren,” he said slowly, “what the hell did you do?”

He watched her eyes change; the carefully cultivated poise from before immediately gave way to something that looked like contrition. “Not that,” she said, her voice suddenly small. “Not what you’re thinking.”

He felt a moment’s relief at that, his shoulders softening ever so slightly. But his body was still thrumming. She didn’t sleep with him, but what did she do with him? And what did he do to her? Did she ask him to? Or did she just not stop him as he did what he wanted? And why this guy?

“Mark Valero?” he said, trying to keep his voice down. He felt like he was scolding her, but he couldn’t help it. “I don’t get it. I’ve never seen you talk to him. You never even talk about him. Since when are you interested in this kid?”

Lauren stared up at him, looking somewhat lost. She shrugged pathetically. “Since tonight, I guess.”

Del stared down at her. It was like she was reading from a script. Like she didn’t even really believe the words that were leaving her own mouth. “How much have you had to drink?” he asked. He almost wanted her to say she was shitfaced, that she couldn’t see straight. At least then this would all make sense.

“Not that much,” she murmured, although she didn’t even need to say it. He could already tell she was sober. At least sober enough to be aware of herself and her actions.

Del shook his head in disbelief before he looked back over his shoulder. His eyes immediately fell on Mark standing with a group of guys. At the sight of him, he felt his veins heat again, and automatically, his posture straightened.

He watched Mark bump fists with one of the guys, and another one gave him a slap on the back that looked more congratulatory than friendly. And when the group of them started to laugh, every muscle in his body tensed in preparation for what he wanted to do.

What was he telling them about her? What images of her did these assholes now have in their heads? It hadn’t even been five minutes since he left that room, and already he was disrespecting her?

His entire body screamed at him to go over there, to wipe those smiles off every one of their goddamn faces, but instead he whipped back toward her.

“And now he’s done with you?” he barked, and she flinched at the anger in his voice. “He’s just gonna go back to the party? He can’t even hang out with you for a little bit?”

Lauren bit her lip and looked down. He could see that he was making her feel like shit. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he couldn’t help it, and it only made him more furious at Mark for putting him in this position in the first place.

“Good choice,” he added, unable to stop himself. “Brilliant pick. He seems like a real fucking class act.”

“There you are!”

Jenn appeared suddenly, grinning up at Del as she grabbed Lauren’s hand. “Excuse us,” she said in a way that only fueled the fire raging in his stomach, and before he could react, she pulled Lauren into the other room.

Del watched them disappear before he turned back toward the living room. Mark wasn’t there anymore.

He pressed his fists into his eyes and dropped his head back, taking a long, deep breath. 

He didn’t need this shit tonight. He was already on edge before he’d even gotten there. And if he didn’t leave immediately, he was going to lose it.

Del turned and made his way to the door, pushing through a few people who knew better than to complain about it. As soon as he was outside, he took several deep breaths, trying to let the fresh air clear his head.

He walked right past his car. He needed to keep his body moving, needed to burn this feeling off. He crossed the street without even checking to see if any cars were coming, using long strides that he hoped would tire him out. By the time he reached the end of the third block, he knew it wasn’t working. Normally by now he’d feel the slow release of the tension as he exerted his energy on whatever task he had come up with to distract himself.

But if anything, he was more fired up than when he left the party.

Del sat on the small rock wall bordering the house he had stopped in front of. He gripped the edge of it as he dropped his head back and counted to ten, taking a deep breath between each number.

It worked just enough so that he could start reasoning through what had just happened. What was he so mad about? That Lauren had hooked up with someone? Yes, that certainly pissed him off, but deep down he knew he had no right to be angry over that. She wasn’t attached to anyone. She was free to do what she pleased.

He could feel the possessiveness bubbling in the back of his mind, and he pushed it back and shook it away. She wasn’t his. She didn’t belong to him that way. And she never would. So what did he expect? That she would remain celibate and untouched for the rest of her life?

No, it was the circumstances that pissed him off. He didn’t expect her to remain chaste, but why the hell did she have to do it at a party? Why did she put herself in that position just a few feet away from a room full of people who knew exactly what was going on behind that closed door? She was supposed to have more respect for herself than that.

He sounded old-fashioned and hypocritical, and he knew it. No one ever thought twice about people hooking up at parties. It was pretty much a given and a staple of every get together that involved teenagers and drinking. It wasn’t like she would be labeled a whore because of this. It wasn’t like she pulled this with a different guy every weekend. This wouldn’t even be a blip on anyone’s radar.

So why the hell was he so pissed off?

He thought of Mark walking out of the den with that little smile on his face. That smug prick. Granted, he imagined anyone would be feeling pretty good about themselves if they’d just spent the better part of an hour behind closed doors with their hands all over Lauren Monroe.

With that thought, he felt his muscles tense all over again, and he stood from the wall and began pacing the sidewalk. He didn’t know Mark. He had no idea what this was about for him. Was she just a conquest to this guy? Just someone nearby who was willing? Or was he really interested in her?

And suddenly there it was. An outlet for his rage. One he felt comfortable with because it didn’t make him a hypocrite or force him to acknowledge any unjustified jealousy he was feeling.

Because if Mark was actually interested in her, he wouldn’t have walked away from her like that. He just tossed her aside when it was over and went right back to his friends. Del didn’t expect the guy to propose after a party hook-up, but the asshole could have at least had the decency to spend a little time with her.

Del had hooked up with his fair share of girls at parties, but never once did he pull up his zipper and walk away as if he had just used a public rest room. And those girls were nowhere near Lauren’s caliber.

She deserved more respect than that. She may have been a willing participant, but that didn’t mean he could shit on her afterward.

He turned then, determination mixing with the adrenalin pumping through his body as he walked back the way he came. When he felt the tingle in his spine again, this time, he smiled. There was only one thing that would make him feel better now.

And it wasn’t going for a walk.

He reached the house in about half the time it took him to walk away from it, bounding up the steps and through the front door. A quick scan of the living room told him that Mark wasn’t there, so Del immediately made his way around the side wall and stood in the entryway to the kitchen.

Instantly, his eyes fell on Mark waiting in line for the keg.

It was too perfect. Almost as if the universe was condoning it.

Del walked swiftly through the kitchen; the crowed parted for him easily as it did the last time he stormed through the room. Just as Mark was reaching for the tap, Del stepped in front of him and pulled it out of his grasp.

“Whoa buddy,” he said, a touch of condescension in his tone that was going to make this that much sweeter, “there’s a line--”
            He dropped the tap and spun, using the momentum of his body to put extra force behind his swing. He heard his fist connect before he felt it; the satisfying crack seemed to echo through the tiny space as Mark flew backward and landed on his ass.

The rest of the party died away. The only thing he saw was Mark on the floor, his hand over his mouth as blood seeped through his fingers and down the front of his shirt.

And then he saw an image of that hand on Lauren’s stomach, the fingers swirling around her belly button before they slid lower, dipping underneath the waistband of her jeans.

It felt like lightning crashed through his body, and he lunged forward. When he felt resistance, he doubled his effort until he broke free from whatever was holding him as he charged the boy on the floor.

This fucking prick was going to wish he hadn’t walked away from her. He was going to be sorry he ever touched her like that.

No one was allowed to touch her like that.

Mark began to scramble backward as Del brought his arm back again, vaguely aware of the sound of glass shattering around him. Suddenly, there were hands pulling on the front of his shirt, and he reached down and grabbed one forcefully, ripping it free.

Just as he did, he glanced over and saw her face, her eyes huge with fear and welled with tears. She was shouting something, but he couldn’t hear her.

He realized then that it was her wrist he was gripping.

His head was buzzing and his body was shaking; he could feel his eyes trying to focus on her, but he couldn’t make them.

Abruptly he was yanked away from her, and he felt several arms wrap around him from behind.

“Relax, bro! Relax!” someone was shouting, but it sounded like he was hearing it under water.

Slowly, the party came back into focus: two guys pulling Mark out of the room, leaving a trail of blood behind him. The people staring and whispering, lining the furthest corners of the room.

And Lauren, sitting on the counter surrounded by broken glass, her breath coming in gasps.

She looked terrified.

He couldn’t stand that she was looking at him that way.

Del threw his elbows back, and he felt the restraint on him loosen just a bit. He moved then, using the last bit of adrenalin to wrench himself out of their hold as he took a step toward her.

He could feel his arm shaking as he extended his hand.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said through labored breath.

Lauren glanced down at his hand before she looked back up, her eyes still startled as they darted around the room.

Please, he urged silently, his hand still extended toward her. Don’t do this to me, Lauren. It’s still me. Please.

Her eyes landed on him again. She was significantly calmer, although she still looked somewhat skittish.

With a tiny breath she lifted her hand, gently placing it in his.

He closed his eyes and fought the urge to sigh out loud at her unfailing trust.

He needed to make this right. But he couldn’t do it here.

Del pulled her off the counter and walked swiftly from the room. He could feel her struggling to keep up with him, but he needed to get her out of there immediately. He needed to get her far enough away from this place to forget what she had seen and remember who he really was.

As soon as they walked down the front steps, he released her hand and tore down the driveway. When he reached his car, he opened the passenger door for her before he stormed around to the driver’s side and got in.

“Are you okay to drive?”

Her voice was so tentative that it broke his heart and made him angry all over again.

But this time he was angry with himself.

 “Please just get in,” he managed after he had started the car. He needed to talk to her, to reassure her, but not here. Not like this.

She got in then, and no sooner than she had her seatbelt buckled, he took off, the tires screeching as he turned down the next street.

Lauren’s arms flew forward as she braced herself on the dashboard. “Michael, please!”

He took his foot off the gas immediately, realizing he was doing nothing to help his cause in his rush to get her out of there.

Lauren sighed heavily as she sat back against the seat, crossing her arms as she glanced over at him. Del kept his eyes forward as he took several slow deep breaths, trying to rid his body of any remaining animosity. He could see her glancing over at him every few seconds, almost as if she was waiting for something.

The entire drive to her house, Del tried to figure out something to say that wouldn’t make him sound like a possessive, jealous maniac or make her seem like a helpless fool who couldn’t handle herself.

By the time they pulled into her driveway, he still hadn’t come up with anything. He wasn’t good at this shit. All he knew was that he didn’t want her to look at him the way she did in that kitchen ever again.

Maybe he should just say that?

Before he could speak, she exhaled heavily, breaking the silence. “That really wasn’t necessary. You could have gotten arrested.”

“That kid mouthed off to me!” he snapped, feeling immediately defensive. Mark Valero deserved everything he got tonight and more. Didn’t she understand that?

She turned to look at him then, her face unmoved. “He said ‘whoa buddy’ because you cut him in line.”

The fact that she saw his behavior as ridiculous and petty made him feel like a bigger asshole. “He’s got a big fucking mouth! And you had no business getting involved! You could have gotten hurt!”

No sooner than the words left his mouth, he regretted them.

She was right, of course. If she thought he went after him because of that silly comment at the keg, then yes, his behavior was unnecessary and completely out of line. He wanted to explain the real reason to her; he just didn’t have the words to do it. And she didn’t deserve to be snapped at just because he didn’t know how to express himself.

God, he hated Mark for this whole fucking night.

Lauren closed her eyes then, shaking her head sadly before she turned to get out of the car, and instinctively he reached out and grabbed her arm.

He couldn’t let her leave like this.

“You’re not hurt, are you?” he asked, putting all his effort into keeping his voice even.

“No, I’m fine,” she said softly.

Del released her arm and exhaled. He wanted to reach across the seat and pull her into his lap. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, just tuck her under his chin and hold her there until they both forgot this entire mess.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said.

She looked at him then. “You didn’t scare me. I just…I wish you would try and keep your head next time, okay?”

There was nothing behind her eyes now but concern and sincerity, and he knew he never wanted to lose control like that in front of her again. Because sometimes, when she looked at him, her eyes were so full of adoration that it made his chest hurt.

And all he ever wanted was to be worthy of that look.

No, he would never allow her to see that side of him again. She deserved better than that. Better than him. Better than Mark. Better than any asshole who wouldn’t give her the respect and attention she deserved.

 “And I wish you would use better judgment when it comes to guys next time, okay?”

It was the best he could do, and he hoped it was enough to make her understand.

She looked at him for a moment before she nodded softly.

“Goodnight Red,” he said, leaning over and pressing his lips to her forehead, and he felt her lean into him. It was the slightest gesture, but he felt it, and he smiled against her skin.

It was the tiniest token of forgiveness, but he’d take it.

He leaned across her then, opening the door to let her out.

And as he watched her walk down the driveway toward her house, he allowed himself one moment. One moment to picture himself in that den with her. One moment to imagine her beneath him, staring up at him with that look that made him weak. One moment to imagine what her skin would feel like under his hands. What her voice would sound like as she asked him not to stop. What her eyes would look like as they fluttered closed over what he was doing to her.

Then he sighed heavily, the last of his moment of weakness fluttering away with his breath as he put the car in reverse and backed out of her driveway.